Monday, October 10, 2011

Straighten that Drink, Soldier!

Are you one of those individuals that can really read people? I'm betting you aren't. Call it an educated guess.

No worries, friend...I'm here to help

Turns out, according to DR. Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at King's College (don't get excited...I'm referring to the King's College in London), "The simple act of holding a drink displays a lot more about us than we realize..."

Alright, I'll bite.

The following is a list comprised of the most common booze-handling techniques and what it means about your personality:

1) The Flirt - A woman who holds her glass in a provocative way, with her fingers splayed. She might hold her drink over her chest, to draw attention to her cleavage, or peer over the rim to check you out she's taking a sip.

2) The Gossip - A woman who holds a wine glass by the bowl, and uses it as a prop to gesticulate and make points. She tends to cluster in a group with other women, and she's critical. She'll also lean in over her drink to be more confidential.

3) The Ice Queen -  A woman who drinks from a wine glass or a short cocktail, and holds it firmly as a barrier across her body. She's cold, defensive, doesn't want to be approached, and she'll put you down if you do.

4) The Fun Lover - Someone who likes to drink beer from the bottle, hold it loosely by their shoulder, and take short swigs so they don't miss out on anything in the conversation. She's lively, friendly, loves to have an overall good time, and enjoys meeting new people.

5) The Wallflower - She holds her drink protectively and doesn't let go, like she's afraid somebody will take it. Her palms are hidden, and the drink's never finished. She'll fiddle with the straw (if there is one) or the label. Obviously it means she's shy, submissive, and using the drink as a social crutch.

1) The Player - A guy with a tall glass, cocktail, or a bottle who uses it as a phallic prop, and plays with it suggestively. He's self-confident, possessive, and can get a little 'handsy' with the women around him . . . and get away with it.

2)  The Peacock - The player who's actually more into himself. He spreads himself over as much space as possible, like pushing the glass away and leaning back in his chair. He's over-confident, arrogant, and would rather just drink with his friends.

3) The Browbeater - A verbally hostile know-it-all who prefers large pint glasses or bottles, grasps them firmly, gesticulates in a threatening in-your-face way, and is always making fun of other people. If you can't handle it, don't bother.

That's the end of the list.

I'm a little pissed off that not one "decent" classification of guy is noted, but I guess that's just the culture we live in, isn't it? All of us bros are a**holes.

Regardless, hopefully you find this list informative. Maybe now, when you next go out to a bar, you'll have a better clue of who you want to talk to instead of walking into a stomping.

But the real question is: Where do you fall on the list?

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